48.6 Tenuous Partnership

General Summary

The journey overland

  We’ve reached the point in the journey where everyone seems to have reached a level of neutrality with one another. Norcrack, in an awkwardly blunt way, has spoken directly with Liva to propose an alliance directly to make her Empress. Starfire and I are intensely amused to witness this, as Liva smacks him for suggesting a loveless partnership just to achieve peace. She is affronted at the idea that she would have to give up her opportunity for love, romance, and partnership just to keep her people safe.  

If you want to court me, court me. The idea isn’t without merit. But I will marry for something worthier for politics.

    Liva immediately rises in my estimation, and I also get the pleasure of seeing Norcrack figure out how to flirt. He is so young, and somewhat dense…he is, after all, a rock. He is so dense that he continues to miss Rishia’s affection for him, and the little sand spirit takes plenty of snide jabs at Liva to imply that Norcrack’s interest in her is solely political because of his aunt’s advice. She does comport herself like a child, and Liva responds to her behaving that way.  

Little girl, you clearly don’t understand hearts. You are so caught up in your sand storm of emotions that you are trying to wear away at something I haven’t even decided exists yet.

  It’s not a kind way to speak to the little sand spirit, who continues to aggressively flirt with Norcrack. It is like being at school again, watching the three of them fumble around.   Each night as we bed down, I almost expect to see the Drifting Seeds gate appear before me and offer to add ‘love’ to my cycle because it really seems like the people around me could use it.   Eventually, Norcrack seeks me out for advice.  

I’m not good at this. I think I’ve done something unkind to Liva and to Rishia.

  His theory is that he has failed to see Liva as a person and treat her as such. As a spirit, he doesn’t need a partner to have a family, so he has not paid any mind to romance or partnership in that way. As an emperor, it seems impossible to love any of his people as an equal partner when he is also their leader. He wants to take care of them, including Rishia.   But now, with his powers sealed away, he feels like he has become able to feel more than just the raw strength and responsibility of his position.   Liva makes him feel shallow, where she is deep. He says he would choose to give up love and relationships for his people, and thinks that because she would not, she is stronger and more principled. Rishia makes him feel like he has to choose between being an emperor and having a partner.   Instead, I think about Kaide and tell him that being an emperor is a heavy burden, and not one that was meant to be carried alone. In exchange, he tells me about the Frostburn Empress, who he learned from. Apparently she froze her own heart long ago and he thought it was a noble sacrifice to give up love to keep her people safe. I think that as a child, as he surely was (and sort of still is), he can’t possibly know what kind of sacrifice this is. You can’t sacrifice what you don’t have, and if you choose to give it up before you even understand it, then it is hardly a knowing and worthy sacrifice.   Poor Norcrack seems to have feelings for both of these people - Liva wants him to become something better, and Rishia loves him the way he is and doesn’t want him to change. And Liva looks down on him sometimes, but Rishia looks up to him too much. The thing to do, I advise, is to show Liva his strength, and Rishia his vulnerability. Partnership does not mean any one thing in particular, and of course he feels different things for different people.   I tell him about my three partners and how they are different, unique relationships. Mistress, having been my leader and teacher for so long that even now I think of her as a guide even though I have become the leader of our people. Lyssa, being someone I saved and shaped, only for her to prop me up time and time again when I needed it. And Thalien, being effectively sidelined until he finally understood himself well enough to know who he was offering to me in partnership.   And I tell him that coming out of a 6 month journey with an engagement is a little quick for people of our lifespan…and maybe he ought to just get to know himself, get to know Liva and Rishia better, and see what happens. The circumstances we are currently in are bizarre, and not necessarily representative of who these people are in their usual life.   Later, I see Norcrack dragging Rishia over to Liva to sand-paint together. It is awkward, but Rishia does seem to appreciate that Liva respects sand enough to make art of it. The resulting sand painting is…not very impressive…but certainly heartfelt. We all laugh in good spirits at the attempt, and Rishia remarks that it was a lot easier when she could simply despise Liva.   My opinion of Liva continues to rise as she explains that an artist’s job is to speak to people’s hearts, and that she wants to connect and understand, not hate. She also has a long tangent about my own worthiness and how exceptional I am, which nearly makes my skin crawl listening to it. It is true and kind and sweet, but she has an earnestness that could so easily be manipulative. More and more, I am seeing that it is just an unusual bluntness.   Case in point - Liva later tells Rishia to try and understand Norcrack better and look out for what is best for him, regardless of whether it is to be with her or Liva or someone else. She asks Rishia to think of her as a big sister and to take Norcrack away from her if Rishia decides that Liva is not good for him.   It is enormously blunt, and somewhat inappropriate, and Rishia snatches her hand away from the preferred handshake. Liva, unphased, asks me to speak for a moment.   When we are alone, she transforms into her spirit form - a minuscule snake, and confesses that she has been listening to me talk about my own family and our diversity. I’m affronted at the confession, but what she is saying about expanding her idea of who she thinks of as ‘her people’ makes sense and I’m proud of her for it. She wants to accept people who are very different, and think of them as family to see if they can make it work.  

They don’t need to meet me halfway, but they need to come maybe…20 or 30% of the way?

  I shake my head - the idea is sound, but it just seems like she moves so much faster than is appropriate for most people. Rishia isn’t ready to even hear the idea of being family.   This is how I learn that Liva and Epsila have been talking, and Liva has been able to learn more about what Epsila saw that made her kill Dakirim. Up until now, Liva would have considered them tentative friends and sometime enemies, but now she sees that Epsila was really, truly afraid. The mage saw their city resplendent and full of serpents gorging themselves on spirit cores and becoming mighty. In this future, Dakirim was always fated to die but he was the one who would kill Norcrack, so she thought that killing Dakirim would let Norcrack save all the spirits.   And now Liva is moving fast, because she is afraid as well.   Epsila’s visions were full of Soul-Rending Crocodiles devouring everyone, and Imperius Fire Birds using spirit cores to fuel their flames. Nowhere was safe for spirits anymore. So now she thinks she must hurry, so that she can build something safe in whatever time she has before this fate comes to pass.   Morat-lun told her that fast craftsmanship makes brittle work, but she doesn’t know how to move fast enough and still have things be strong. And while she might agree that there is no single action that might fix the future, she is still in a rush to make the many changes she thinks that will help. I have no advice to give, aside from the awareness that fate is no single path and will not be fixed by any single action.   If Liva builds an oasis in the desert where spirits are safe, perhaps that is a good enough outcome. I don’t think anything that happens now can change the future I live in, but I have no idea if this city still exists and thrives in my own time. Maybe her rushing will be successful.   She is like Zadiyah a bit - magic that connects so well to the masses of people but skips over the individual. Her luminous magic is gathered in her eyes and she can see and connect with things, but she is not very good at focusing. And she has trouble seeing *herself*.   She asks to call me ‘teacher’ for as long I stay here, because she has so much to learn from me. It is excruciatingly uncomfortable for me, and I consent only because I know I will not be here for long. If she holds the idea of me in her head as she rushes to build this safe haven for spirits, it is worth the discomfort of taking her on as a ‘student’ of some sort. Unless she is still alive in my own time, in which case I will have to rethink my choice…