28.3 A Day Without a Project

General Summary

Day 444

It is a cloudless night by the time we emerge from the Hall of Songs, all in a sombre mood. The rider pairs seem particularly thoughtful and so the rest of us busy ourselves preparing a meal.   Andstella sidles up to me as I work on some greens and remarks that she overhead me telling Tira, Alrudian, Haze, and Crag that they were to have happier songs than the ones in that barrow. She adopts such a fitting big sister tone as she reminds me that I am carrying so much weight and it is okay to lean on people, not to take on so much. I brush her off with some laughter - I am certain that the worry over the happiness of my youngsters is a normal, healthy worry. It is one I'm allowed to carry and not allowed to pass off to someone else. I can leave the construction of dragon-elf-fae cities to her, the finding of dwarves to Lyssa, the training of kings to Dal. Worrying about these four is my job.   The meal is quiet and thoughtful and transitions easily into music. Andstella sings us fae songs from her memory and of her own creation. She sings the fragment of her song in which we met and she became one of two Fae of Day and Night instead of being alone, and about the feeling of the Vanguard finally joining her.   Jerun takes up the song as well, singing his own melodies of joyful meetings and new discoveries.   I have plenty of songs in this theme but Alrudian requests one in particular - the story of how I really met my Mistress. Of course she has heard the stories, but I am fond of saying that none of them capture the inevitability of how we really came together.   The accompanist I summon is one I remember from a concert in the Capital on one of Mistress' visits to me while I was at the Academy. He played enormous, gentle drums that reverberated through the hall and it wasn't until after the song ended that I could somehow feel that the entire audience's heartbeats were pulsing together in the echo of that rhythm.   My song begins light and comforting - a lullaby from my childhood. It twists and deconstructs as I walk through the Dreaming, following the shuddering drumbeats of sobbing that pull me in. It's an explosion of colour and a major chord as she rode up alongside my family's farm and reached out to me, then the much gentler and steady resolution of decades together as I learned. The steady, plodding day-after-day of being at the Academy without her and increasing tempo of intimacy whenever we could see one another. And finally, as though they were never separate notes at all, I join the two melodies I've carried throughout the song, together in safe, comfortable thirds.   This time, anyway, I can end the song before any of it goes wrong. I don't need the shattering dissonance of seeing her fading before my eyes and the barely-audible call from across the mountains. This time I can resolve it with the same steady drumbeat that brings all of our hearts to unison.   Alrudian is beaming when I finish. She declares that she has decided that her quest will be Seeking - on dragonback she can travel so quickly and she can find and reunite people who need it. I'm proud of her.   Still, it was a hard song to sing. As the others retire to sleep I find myself wandering out into the ruins again, searching for things I know I won't find. I do find Haze, back to his normal draconic self, and we find some companionship in our thoughts.   He has been thinking about the sad endings in the Hall of Songs. He and Tira have been talking about whether they should formalize their bond the way those ancient riders did. But Haze wonders if their lives would have been happier without it, if they would have lived shorter, safer, happier lives. The inevitable sadness of Tira's short life in comparison to him snuck up on him and by the time he knew how much it would hurt to lose her, it was impossible to go back. But for Tira and her family who she would outlive...she'll see it coming.  Alwen, Alder, Knotrael...all people she would outlive. He wonders if perhaps Alwen could also come amongst the Kindred and be accepted by a dragon he might bond with.   Haze is much older than I am, certainly. Still, I feel ancient as I remind him that they will have plenty of time to face the possibility of outliving loved ones. My longevity startled me and I have tried to soothe myself by knowing that I need not confront any of those fears in the next year, decade, century. Time and time again people choose joy despite the pain it will bring them to lose it. Very reliably I can expect that people will chose joy.  

I think I got so wise by losing things and finding them again. You need to lose them to see their value and then find them so that you know you will always be able to come back after the pain.

  We share companionable silence as he lifts me up and flies us around the island in the cold air. When we land he settles down beside Tira but I wander further still and find rest in the boughs of a tree.  

Day 445

I wake and wander back to camp late in the morning and Tira leaps to preparing tea. We plan to spend one last day exploring Avan'Nal before winging back to Dreamfall or the Unfreezing Sea and so I check in on Kaide to see if she wants to come out.   I find her quiet and a little sombre. This place gives her questions that she can't answer - is it her fault that it has been abandoned? I try to be sympathetic to this feeling but at the same time point out that it fell even before Onyx was hatched. My grasp on the early days of the Empire is light but it seems very possible that it fell even more the Empire formed.   Regardless - if the Empress brought this place to ruin, that's her problem. Kaide is not the Empress.   This seems to help. She mentions that it pokes at a question she's been turning over in her mind - does she want to rejoin with the Empress when we cross the Barrier again? Does she want any of her locked memories back or is this an opportunity to truly diverge and be someone else? Does she want to stay with me and continue as we are, for a couple centuries? She says she doesn't even know what's possible, whether the rejoinder is even an option.   I laugh at this - "a couple centuries" as if she expects me to keel over and die at the ripe old age of 800. I think that in the timespan we are working with and the people we know, we can make anything possible and so she should focus more on what she wants of all the infinite options. Not that this makes it easier, I know. But sh should start from thinking about the world as full of opportunities rather than fitting her desires into what is currently accessible.   At this, she hugs me.  

Here I am talking about essentially moving in with you forever and you didn't even bat an eye.

  Of course. She wasn't very nice to me before she moved in but she has been an excellent cohabitant. I would be happy to have her with me for as long as she wants.   So with that, she retires again with instructions to gather any interesting materials I find lying about. I tease her that these are essentially dragon toenail clippings and I'm sure Haze would be happy to give us his castoffs if we had the boldness to ask.   The rest of us split up and wander separately but I snag Onyx first to tell him, quite directly, that I'd like for him to cross the Barrier with Tira and Haze. To my pleasure he agrees readily, happily even, with the caveat that he can tell the Empress that I gave him permission. I laugh at this - I was thinking that I'd tell him to blame me if she asks why he left his post. He asks me to refresh the wards on the city if he isn't able to return in a year and I agree. Perhaps by then I will have found some dwarves to move in - it is something I'll give to Lyssa to manage.   I return to the courtyard and pass Sandstorm alongside the riders and dragons, deep in conversation. I had intended to spend the day beneath this great tree, trying to clear my mind and avoid the projects and arcane puzzles piling up in my journal. I have Thalien's book tucked into my belt.   Instead I find myself gazing at the two stone dragons, wondering where Shale is. I can trace the life magic unbroken from where it draws on the life of the island but something along the way to her falters. I find myself drawn in and barely resisting the pull of this puzzle. I string up arcane panels around me as I work on a plan to repair what is broken here and keep working as I add names to the project plan when I hit problems I know I can't solve myself.   Several hours later Sandstom finds me working. I see him - they're bonded together and his ability to connect to her makes the puzzle cleaner. Later still Tira finds me and settles in as we continue to refine the work. I'm confident in the solution but Shale has only one more waking left in her and so it is important that we keep her asleep while we work. It would be tragedy otherwise.   As I transition to working on dumping whatever spare energy any of us have into Shale and into the island to make it more prosperous, Kaide steps out to join us. She points out, with her elemental background, that we should find a renewable source for Sandstorm and Shale to share. Not our temporary strength but the fury of nature - waves crashing on the shore, wind above us.   And so we spend just a little while longer in the island.  

Day 446-447

Two days pass as we work.   Kaide sends out stone charms and nets to the obelisks surrounding the island to harvest the waves. The sea and storms around here will calm as our magic siphons their energy from now on.   Onyx and Crag move and shape stone at Kaide's direction and I play attentive student. Onyx shows me the fault lines and weaknesses in stone that I could feel out and encourage to split, much like wood. I can feel this understanding integrate itself into my work.   Jerun and Alrudian spend the days hunting and cooking for all of us as two non-mages in a magical working. They cheerfully adopt the task of keeping the wizards fed.   It is on the second day, as Crag struggles to hold up an enormous rock for Onyx, that Haze laughs and reminds me that we could be sharing our strength. Kaide laughs as well as I protest that I've been focusing on rocks and it hadn't occurred to me that we might work in a circle.   After that the work is faster and on our last day we celebrate with a feast prepared by Jerun and Alrudian.   The enchantments will take 6-12 months to soak up enough energy to let both Sandstorm and Shale wake fully. Sandstorm will be able to tell when he has more than enough energy to call on Shale as well. It is another reunion we are privileged to bring about. I feel that I'm doing my name proud.