23.6 Degrees of Freedom

General Summary

Day 397

As we approach the village a small crowd of people are already gathering, curious at the frightful sounds from the cave. Mystery, Gedrin, and Charlotte are at the rear. Between Kadia, Camellia, and I we reassure them that everything is fine and that they should return to their homes and not approach the area near the cave, citing dangerous magic that we have contained. They buy it and we continue on to Charlotte's home to discuss what happens next.   Bran takes the lead and explains Tom's death and how he used his power. He tells them about the elvish understanding of fate and destiny and how some people can guide fate while others, like Tom, can pluck threads and remove them from the tapestry. Every plucked thread winds up here in this village with their fate (and powers) stolen away. What's more - it robs people of the opportunity to grow past their pain.   Charlotte absorbs this quietly as Gedrin looks furious. I see flames crackling around him as he demands to know why we would take Tom away from the village - wasn't it enough to let them be happy with what they have and take care of one another?  

He took away your pain but also all the joy. Real life, real fate brings joy as well misfortune. Would you give up your memories of a lost loved one just to spare yourself the pain of their passing? I lost my parents and my teacher. If I could unweave my life to remove that pain I never would have met this new family I have.

  Bran tells Gedrin of who he might have been - the thirty years or so that he has lost and how he might have made the Church of the Candlemaker better and saved many people's pain. He might have prevented people like Elder Haman. Gedrin's aura grows to scorching nearby grass before rises abruptly and storms away, calling to us to speak with him again tonight.   Left alone with Charlotte, Mystery tentatively tells her that we don't know what she's lost. She has memories of Belle so it's entirely likely that Charlotte has never been unwoven. Why Belle died young in a place where someone had this unweaving power is another mystery - perhaps she refused to be unwoven or Tom simply stole her gifts from her. Regardless, it is precious that Charlotte has memories of a life lived with her mother. Mystery herself has none...and Charlotte leaps to embrace her. The rest of us drift away from them, leaving them to their conversation.   Returning to Meila's home I order everyone into a comfortable pile and lose myself in the closeness of my family around me. For the first time I use my own dusk magic and draw myself to sleep nestled into Lyssa's arms. This time when I dream it is of the flower gardens in the Capital and long walks with the Empress discussing the needs of the Empire. This is the Empress who loves and confides in me, who trusts and thanks me for my service. This is a one-sided conversation that I understand better, though it does not erase the pain of reliving the Betrayal so many times.   I wake with tears in my eyes and find myself alone with Lyssa again. I can smell Alder cooking and see Tira working on some magic nearby. And again, Lyssa counsels me well, seeing my distress. Every move I make on this wide open board feels so intensely personal and I am so much more vulnerable than I ever was at home. Even as my enemy cut down my family I struck back as fiercely as a coiled snake despite the destruction it left on my heart. Here, every move feels like it rips me apart with its gravity. This is a single village and a single man and still the turmoil I feel over his death is immense.  

Even though you have family around you, you are still alone in a way you haven't been. You haven't been without your Mistress since you were so young and now you are without her or the Empress that you know. A disconnected Hand. You are shouldering the leadership in a way you haven't entirely had to before - you've always had their support and guidance.

  Again, I wonder how she got so wise before remembering that she herself was disconnected from both me and the Empress for so long before we found one another again.   I recover enough for dinner and notice Kadia returning to the table looking distinctly more rumpled and damp than usual. After dinner she leads me to the fountain in Meila's garden and kneels before me, offering a pouch of glass vials.   "As I was commanded so have I done," she says as I take them and recognize the distilled essence of the spring water within them. I pull her back up to her feet and thank her - I had been planning on plunging into the spring myself to figure out what was down there but a full night of sleep is preferable. A vision from the Empress instructed her to retrieve a specific number of vials from the depths of the spring but she also brought back three extra vials - for herself, me, and Tira.   The spring itself is not quite natural, she comments. It is much deeper than one might expect and the water is very forceful. I promise that if I get answers as to its nature I will tell her all I learn.   And then it is time for Gedrin. Bran and I make our way to his home and he invites us in, seemingly cooled off. Inside the home is lit with candles that cast deep shadows and preserve the interplay of light and darkness that open flame is meant to produce. There are already tears in my eyes as he explains that Meila has told him how important shadows are for elves.  

My earlier anger aside, I want us to be friends.

  We sit quietly as he spins out his thoughts since this afternoon. In his anger he went to Tom's house in hopes of finding more answers. There he found journals full of Tom's record and though his anger destroyed the paper, he can't unsee what he read. He had fought Tom and lost. He wishes he had fought for something bigger - some realization that what was happening was wrong and couldn't be allowed to continue. Instead he found that it was because of Belle. Her magic was something special and she passed it on by bloodline. She gave it to Charlotte, not Tom. And in the journals he found that Charlotte is his own daughter, not Tom's. In his unwoven life he attacked Tom when he found out that he would let Belle die because of that.   And so Tom unwove him to a point where he was more willing to be a disciple. Fully one third of the people in the village were once people powerful enough that they might have threatened Tom if they had the chance. For every injury he healed he took away so many more years than he had to, unweaving people back to childhood.   What comes next? He doesn't want to tell anyone else in the village - these are stolen futures that might only be painful to learn about. And though he feels like he could stay here and continue to care for the village, he might be better off leaving. Gently, I encourage him to give it time. No decisions need to be rushed. I know he would do good things in the church - better than the monsters we've met.   Bran and I agree to leave tomorrow morning so that he can speak to the villagers about Tom's death at midday. He has decided to tell them only that his magic consumed him after having spent so long bearing the weight of it. This, I think, is wise.   And we stay later into the night than I expected; happier than I expected. He asks to her about shadows and I am happy to recite stories I've known since I was just a child: Stories of the gentle cloak of nightfall hiding brave elves fleeing hunters, concealing our warriors as they protect us, shading us from the harsh blaze of the sun that scorches the earth and wilts newly green plants. I illustrate my stories with illusory characters drawn in flame and smoke from his candles, accompanied by my heartsong. I feel peace settle around me again, however temporary it may be.