5.1 The Watcher's Duty

General Summary

Day 37

I take a few more minutes sitting alone in the still quiet of this darkened chamber, flipping through the books. The one that I authored is not in my own handwriting, nor Alwen or Tira’s. There is a lot in this book about the utility and value of single-talent casters, like a water witch’s ability to create swampland as a military asset or supply their unit with fresh water.   The marmalade...it is absolutely my father’s recipe, but it tastes more tart than I would expect. It’s made with oranges from my own villa, not from our family’s orchard.   Finally, I examine my banner. It is blue and purple, set on a black background - a curved dagger rests over a burning heart, evoking the meaning of my formal name.   I sit for a while more before I hear Bran coming to check on me. I show him the gifts I’ve been given and tell him how confused I feel about the notes. Or rather, the one note from Mistress.   The other people from my past have clear roles in my life. Alwen and Tira are my students, Dal is my companion, Lyssa is someone I saved and taught, Thalien was my Fatespinner and someone I loved in a romantic way. Mistress...I thought she was a teacher, a guide, and a commander. I was not prepared for her to be a lover. The realization is complex, as is the fear that when we are reunited I will no longer be the person who loved her back like that. At least Thalien and Dal can no longer be hurt or disappointed in what I become.   As always, Bran has good advice. Either I will regain my memories and continue with my Mistress as we were before...or I won’t. And then anyone who loves me will understand and hopefully build a new relationship rather than clinging to the ghost of one that is no longer here.   He helps me up and shows me to the tower we’ve been given to call home. Later in the evening we have our funeral pyre and feast in celebration. Rosalia has helped some of them learn to hunt and there are multiple boars roasting, along with a little bit of beer for everyone. Everyone dances and chats amongst the many small fires that flicker, casting long shadows around us. While Hella practices her elvish with Shei, Rosalia is dancing with Linai. Alder sits alone, watching.   I join him and ask what he is thinking. He seems contemplative, struggling with his military identity and how he doesn’t feel like he belongs anymore. More than anything, his place is with me, not part of a military unit. I try not to influence his thoughts but I’m pleased. I also think that he belongs with me and with our party. He stills seems sombre when he tells me that he is sitting and watching so that everyone else can be joyful and celebrate together. He feels the responsibility much like I do.   I notice Rosalia and Linai getting closer as Alder melts into the shadows and leaves me watching alone.  

Day 38

In the morning, Alder wakes me last. Everyone else is already travelling into the forest to have a little meeting of just our family. He and I speed through the shadows together, catching up easily.   Collectively, we decide that Asalien will take not only Gederick’s list of supply requests but also a request for the sort of people who can build a community: Carpenters, tailors, craftspeople.   This does raise a concern that I’ve been turning over in my head. Given that there are already rumours of elves in the woods, a steady immigration of elves from Ipth to our new fortress will surely raise suspicions, as will the hostile humans who will surely die attempting to traverse the forest. Rosalia suggests that she return to Ipth to plant rumours that the elves have built a temple to the elven god of death (ha) and are slowly coming here to die of hopelessness.   It’s a good plan, but one that will take her away from us for quite a while. As we discuss this, Rosalia courageously tells us how she has been feeling. When I came out of the woods and saved her from wolves, it was like a fairy tale, she says. She developed a crush and has been travelling with us partly because of that and partly because she genuinely believes in my mission. Seeing how things have been since Alder joined us, it’s clear that he belongs at my side in a way she never will. Ironically, she will be more helpful spreading rumours and infiltrating human settlements for us.   When she returns, we decide that she will teach the elves here to act like a mercenary company instead of an army. There is a time and place for military thinking but a small company with no resources and support will do better as mercenaries than military. Despite mild protests, I’m determined to assign her the rank of General to preside over the fortress while I’m gone. She is more than capable of leading people under my banner for now.   And almost as an afterthought, I tell them about the scroll of rites that was in the package. It is not something I expect them to want or be ready for now or anytime soon, but it feels wrong to keep it to myself and then one day present it to them when the moment is right. I may have to work on limited information (because of my own past choices) but no one else should have to.