41.5 You Missed It

General Summary

Day 684

The most effective way for me to heal so many injured people at once is to simply gather them around me and let my healing magic wash over everyone nearby. Nestin has made himself very small and curled up in a corner of the room to rest, though I can feel his preylike anxiety surrounding him. Qing Chen has collapsed near the remnants of his weapons, all of which look like they've been lost for centuries with their inscriptions worn and fading. They are in remarkably poor shape, but I suppose he is still a beginner even if he shows extraordinary talent.   Eventually, Qishali speaks up. I have been steadfastly ignoring her tails wrapped around my son in what looks like an incredibly intimate fashion. She is, of course, a lightning-fox and I can feel the resonance between her and my own green lightning magic.  

It's surprising that the reality of you is so close to what he's told us. It's hard to believe that someone so ideal exists.

  In the quiet, sleepy atmosphere of the hold-turned-hospital, she tells me a little about how their small group came together. Nestin, apparently, had been enslaved by the Inescapable Jaws for several years before they tried to take Qishali prisoner as well. Liliales saved them quite fearlessly, and went on to rescue everyone yet again as they became mired in nightmares as they drew closer to the Phantom Dream Spike.   The way she speaks about these events has an eerie, distant quality that I can't place until it sinks in: Time in the swamp moved differently for them. For Qishali, Nestin, Qing Chen, Detoura, and Liliales - they have known one another and stuck together for years now. It is no wonder that she seems so intimate with him - even beyond having spent years together, the two of them have made a spirit pact as well. She tells me about my son having spent years retrieving Qing Chen and Nestin from nightmares, then Qishali, then Detoura, who almost died from being unable to escape his own visions.  

He grew up a little. We all did.

  I am quiet for a long while. I'm sure I will grow to love this green fox when Liliales wakes and can tell me about who they are to one another. But for now, she is still a stranger even if she loves my son so dearly. I certainly wasn't prepared to hear that my little dusk son had spent...fifteen years...growing up and rescuing people. That is more than an entire cycle - no fae of day and night should know what it is like to be one cycle for so long. The stories she's telling me are about some brave young man who has felt the weight of his family resting on his shoulders, not the hopeful little prince who turns to me and expects that I will be able to keep all of our people safe from threats we can't even imagine. I let the confusion and loss wash over me and Qishali splits herself in two (one tail per manifestation) and comes to hug me.   It is the strangest feeling - she is so clearly distressed to see me like this. And yet there is absolutely no connection between us. After a moment, she apologizes and goes back to Liliales, settling both of her selves around him.  

I'm sorry...I feel like I know so much more of you because of what Liliales has told us. He doesn't want to disappoint you; he just wants you to be proud of him.

  I laugh a little and tell her that even Liliales only knows so much of me. He only has the perfect vision of his mother, not the life I led before or the stresses that weigh on me. He's silly to think that I'm not already proud of him.   After my healing has done all it can, I leave the little group to keep resting and go to find Magdalena on deck.  

It’s like she’s describing an adult.

  Magdalena is both more and less helpful than I hoped. On one hand, she sees immediately how upset I am at the thought that my son had to grow up without me.  The way I train my apprentices and set them to tests that will encourage their growth in the direction they need is something she has always been pleased with in me. This, of all things, is not the test I would have set him to. To fight for over a decade to save his loved ones and not lose any? That is not a test, it is a way to make the ultimate test hurt even more. We all must learn to lose people, and the longer it takes to encounter it, the worse it will be. I am so worried for him, still.   On the other hand, she is full of practical concerns. Will he need to cycle early? Has his spirit been disrupted? If treasure goes to whom it is fated, who thrust this fate upon him? Has he stumbled into someone's weaving? My mind leaps instantly to Mireen and I dismiss the entire affair as something for later pondering. The treasure they found is so powerful that it was likely only possible because of how long Oolee had been blocking power from the River. If fate had anything to do with this, it will have to be a problem for later.   Hopefully everything will feel better when I can finally speak with Liliales.