38.1 How Could I Forget Family

General Summary

Day 563

Between the three of us (leaders of the expedition, I suppose) we decide that we'll stay here for a few more days before departing. Kaide says that she got everything she needed from this place on our first night at the watchtower.   Magdalena doesn't seem enthused at the prospect of Qing Chen travelling with us but as I query her she points out that he is probably flirting with me, which Kaide backs up. I'm appalled. We are colleagues studying interesting problems. Magdalena warns me that demons are always charming and will breed with anything...which is just so distasteful. He is just a colleague.   She takes some convincing before agreeing to enter the city under my grace; apparently if it weren't for me the Osyr might not be so welcoming to her (or fae in general, I suppose). It doesn't really matter to me since any Osyr we encounter are surely awake because of us and so I have become an integral part of how Osyr will experience fae going forwards. As we turn to head back to the city Magdalena launches into a discussion of the tidal magic at play in the area where the Crystal Spires, the Twin Cliffs, and some third anchor point. This third point is a few hours away and she starts leading us in that direction before Kaide calls her out.  

You're stalling. You're nervous to see Jaeril.

  I see our teacher physically stumble in the air before turning to face us. Jaeril is daylight right now and will be asleep by the time we've returned at midnight. She's right - it's a delay in the reunion until tomorrow.   The two of them argue over this and I watch with some amazement and delight as Kaide persuades our teacher to set aside the tidal magic lesson and come back for dinner. Magdalena flutters up to a boulder to sit, looking remarkably small.  

The path to the Zephyr takes you flying over the Northern Sea, over a trench where the magic thins. You are buffeted by the wind until you finally reach the shore, rich with magic. The Imperium there wield magic like toys and life is cheap. People there are callous in pursuit of knowledge. The dangers there are like no other and the portal to the Zephyr is past this territory and the territories of many undisciplined tribesmen.   I lost a wing.   As I arrived at the portal I had to wonder why I was doing this. It wasn't until I was truly in danger that I had to confront how important the two of you are to me. Jaeril frightens me. She is one of the last people I ever cared for...she helped me survive the Pruning and paid a horrible price for it. When you wrote me that you'd found her...something in me cracked.   I wonder if I will survive seeing her if she doesn't remember me.   And if she doesn't...do I even have the right to change her trajectory just so that I get my big brother back?   It's not in my nature to create things.

  Kaide argues again that she has taken on students and that is creation. And that she sees now that Magdalena must have cared for her in order to be disappointed in her other part. I don't disagree. Our teacher's coldness is not an impenetrable mask.  

Isn't it selfish to force her to remember?

  She sounds like countless others, uncertain of whether someone will love them back when the answer is clear to everyone else. No, it's not selfish. Someone lost would want to be found again and love again. I point out that she is wallowing ("Cowering," she corrects me) and Kaide physically picks her up and moves her off the boulder. At this I have to laugh - even though Kaide really ought to know not to pick people up without asking it's just too funny with Magdalena looking so put out. The mood lifts and we all start heading back to the city, a little nervous but more confident.   It does not take long before we come into the sight of Trillium and Jaeril out by the water. Jaeril on a boulder, Trillium sword dancing atop the waves with some ancestor I've never seen Mistress call before. She comes running and lets the spirit go as she spots us.  

Yes. You feel much more stable than last I saw you.

  To my delight Magdalena hugs her in welcome and smiles, inviting my niece to call her 'grand-auntie'. I take the opportunity to sweep Jaeril up and she whispers "That's your teacher? You didn't mention she was so pretty!"   But as she gets a proper look it's like time freezes and everything fits together.  

When did my little sister grow up?

  I have one arm around Kaide and the other around a weepy Trillium, who leans in on me at the sight of the reunion. Eventually they retreat to the city to give the Treeborn some space and prepare for dinner.   The two Treeborn are lost in a teary embrace, exchanging words in a fae dialect so ancient that even I can't follow until Jaeril breaks to ask me: Why can't I remember her? Magdalena explains that she didn't wake under her own trees and so she doesn't have enough of her own songs to remember everything, even though her cycle usually forgets and regains memories. But she couldn't forget family.   The Grove of Samsara is not far from here, all things considered. It was burned and Magdalena is still wracked with guilt that Jaeril's Grove might have been lost in exchange for Magdalena's life. But Magdalena saved as many songs as she could and it's possible that Jaeril might even be able to plant a new tree.