14.11 Replanted

General Summary

Day 169

The conversation with the council goes as expected. Assen is taken aback and poking at the others for weakness. Vedrah, Wayla, and Belle are staunch and immovable.   “Things can be replanted; people can’t,” Vedrah tells him firmly.   And the rest of the day is consumed by farewells.

• Thalien’s grave, where I can see the beginnings of perennial flowers and trees that will be beautiful in a few years.
• Debran, who tells me that my bow will be ready for me in the spring.
• Nisset, who tells me to help Alder find his calling when he’s ready. I’ve seen the way he’s been talking to everyone in the village and socializing. I want that for him too (when he’s ready to step out of my shadow).
• Nina’s family. Her mother whispers in my ear that Nina has told her about Haman and thanks me for what I’ve done.
• Vedrah, who promises that she’ll watch over the village.

  And Rabiya, who agrees to carry some messages for me to Nienne in Brighton and to the Church of the Candlemaker in Haven. And not for me, but for him, he agrees to visit the Keep and carry a letter to Zadiyah who can send it through the gate for me. As a parting gift I leave him the Carthian amulet. It was sent to me but I’d be a poor recipient of it if I didn’t recognize that he needs it more.   Zadiyah in particular I ask to ask Alwen to reach out to the Carthians and ask if they could tell us of anyone from Rabiya’s tribe who was lost or captured by the Collective. I ask for stories - as many as they can afford to send, and the love of his people. And I promise to guide him home as soon as I can.   And then it is just my family again, with the three new apprentices riding alongside like so many ducklings taking to water for the first time. Beside me, Bran remarks that perhaps they’ll be part of his own family one day. I’m glad to see him thinking like that - I can’t adopt everyone, after all.   We make camp early and Hella takes over directing the apprentices just as Tira directed her. There’s a certain amount of shock when she drops her illusion and Kadia finally gets to speak but I think these three have already had enough surprises that this rolls off of them.   Later as the shadows deepen and we’re preparing to settle down around the fire I see Alder and Miriam re-appear from the trees. Miriam with...noticeably shorter hair...I remind myself to tease Alder about being a hairdresser later, but for now Miriam comes with a question: Can I help her dye her hair with magic?   This is exactly how one figures out who one is. This is exactly the right process. I start showing her some simple transmutation magic for now but later on I think her own unique magic will be well-suited to her hair-dyeing needs.   And then on our first night with our new group I make good on my promise to Miriam and tell her love stories. I haven’t spoken much of Mistress here. She’s so far away and there is so much to do here, so many other things to keep track of. But this is a safe moment to let myself fall into that feeling again, and I tell them of a time when we were travelling alone together, fighting, battling, defending. I tell them of adventures and daring escapades, quiet nights around a small campfire, mornings when we woke together because why would I want to be asleep when she’s awake? Miriam is rapt, but so are the others.   “How does dating work for elves? Do you give gifts? How do you know?”   It’s a cautious answer, but I give it. This is not the time to explain the complexities of my own apprenticeship with my love but at the very least I can explain the feeling.   “She’s the person whose pain I want to take away the most,”   This is a normal thing for me to say, considering who I am. But Dawn asks if it goes both ways (also a normal thing to ask). It’s a strange question - she doesn’t take my pain for herself. That’s not how we fit together. I don’t feel the pain when I’m with her. Whether it’s because there are other feelings, because she makes it worth it, or because she’s the home that understands what I’m doing and why...it just doesn’t matter when we’re together.