24.2 Dangerous and Worthwhile
General Summary
Day 400
The family is, of course, none too pleased that we won't all be able to easily enter the forest. Alder and Knotrael in particular look unhappy until Camellia reminds them that she is more than capable of protecting me. We settle on Tira, Camellia, and I entering under the guise of being Seekers. Once we are inside we will have to react quickly to whatever happens. I don't want to risk all of us in a circle if we are dealing with people who might be able to detect that.
With the last of the dying sunlight I send off letters to Liliales (congratulating him on the illusory bird and making some suggestions, telling him about the snowflakes Kadia found at the bottom of the river) and Amytri (informing him that we are at the doorstep of his former daughter-in-law).
Much later I am roused from my sleep by the Shard once again. This time she pulls me into a dreamscape to tell me that she requires the voluntary participation of one of my family (as if she didn't have it already). The formulae she conjures this time are for extracting knowledge from someone, copying a skill that they have. At its worst it might rob someone of their ability. When I prod at her intentions she tells me simply that it is something dangerous but worthwhile. She still doesn't entirely recognize the other Empress that I have in my memories and doesn't know if the two of them will even fit together again. She hopes that what she is doing will resolve that struggle.
For this, she needs Knotrael. I mentally note that he is not yet part of my family and that a silver-tongued oathkeeper might excuse him from any sworn statements about my family. Still, she specifically says that he will not lose anything. Again, I acquiesce. This time, though, there is an awkwardness about her manner as she instructs me to carry out her will. I bow to someone who seems ever so slightly uncomfortable with the motion.
I wake Knotrael immediately and help him delicately escape the tangle of Alder and Tira. When I tell him that the Empress requests his help, he nods without hearing the explanation. I hope that she understands what causes this devotion.
A ways away from our sleeping family I hold him gently as I trace out the glyphs and slip my bloodletting dagger delicately into his throat, drawing out the mix of heartsblood and the blood that rushes through headspace. He passes out and leaves me alone managing the flow of magic beneath my bloodied fingers. I feel a copy of his skill with a sword slip through the bond and into the Shard: Everything he learned from Doraal and everything he has learned since. I feel a drop of her essence pass back along the same channels but it slips past before I can grasp it and understand.
An hour later he wakes, still exhausted, and I help him back to Tira and Alder. He moves like he has spent the entire day running and fighting and is almost immediately asleep again as I release him.
Day 401
I spent the rest of the night aloft, watching over my sleeping family. Even without my heartsong playing I can feel the jumbled emotions tumbling over me like a river down rocks. Dawn finds me staring into campfire as Alder rises and joins me. For the first time in months, we spend the early dawn hours slipping through shadows in an ever-widening perimeter around our camp. When we return I fall asleep again and wake to a waiting mug of tea-to-be and a bright citrus pastry beside my head.
The day passes uneventfully as we rest, reminisce, and wait for Magdalena to arrive. She does indeed arrive in the early evening and I nearly throw her off balance with a mid-air hug when she appears. As we settle down for supper she says that she's been investigating the forest for any signs of her siblings.
The forest's pain might have been caused by one of her more parasitic brothers but she found no trace of them there. Still, it's possible that the Witch Queen is using some artefact or remnant of their magic. With this concern assuaged she is content to let me go in alone with just Tira and Camellia, though she warns the fae among us that the Grove's pain will be hard to experience and we should be on guard for it.
That night for the first time I feel the Shard leave me completely for the first time. If I strain I can hear her speaking with Magdalena but I can't make out the words. She sounds more humble and frightened than I've ever heard from either Empress. Magdalena sounds stern, again, in a way I haven't heard before. One of my very own memories surfaces unbidden, almost shiny and new amidst the flood of ancient fae and now ancient elvish memories. I left my home so early but I remember sneaking candied orange peel with my brother into our bedroom late at night, long after we were supposed to be asleep. As the Shard returns to me and retreats timidly deeper than she's ever been before, I fight the urge to scrunch up my eyes and feign sleep like my brother taught me when we heard father's footsteps approaching our door. Instead, I sit up as Magdalena settles down beside me.
Of course she's not happy. She's disappointing me. If she succeeds at the task I've given her, she might redeem herself. The fragment of the Empress you carry is weak not because she is a fragment but because hasn't been through enough. Your Empress has learned things she hasn't and while she wants that strength, she must learn the lessons first.
I rest my head on Magdalena's shoulder as I think about this. I wish I could reach inside myself and pull her out and finally talk to her properly. When we are finished with the forest here and I'm ready to set off on my own I think we will have many long and quiet nights together. If she'll let me, I would like to know her as more than someone who has bound elves and dwarves, imprisoned fae, and waged war on trolls. Right now there is an insurmountable asymmetry to how deeply she knows each and every one of my memories and thoughts.
