14.5 A Place to Visit

General Summary

Day 164

Camellia wakes me at an ungodly hour considering the lack of sleep overnight. She leads me out deep into the forest into a clearing to join Bran and a still-sleeping Eddar. She tells us softly that usually there is a day of celebration followed by a day of quiet contemplation before sleep. She and Eddar had their contemplation yesterday and now they have been guarded through the night by Bran just as the waking fae guard those who sleep in the Grove.   It takes an hour before Eddar wakes in the sunlight. They give me a hug and thank us for dealing with Hamman. The last few days they’ve been asking themself hard questions and trying to find answers (and accepting that it’s okay to not have them all yet). One of the things they have decided on is a new name - Dawn, for a new beginning and the person who helped them find it.   As we walk back to the town they ask me about Elvish clothes and we spend some time going through my sparse clothing and talking about clothing that fits right both for your body and your heart.   With the Festival tomorrow, I drag Bran back to the forge to help me make some things for our new mystics. For Nina, a stone toy balanced so that it can’t be knocked over. I’d seen them in the Empire before and thought they were a fascinating example of physics but for Nina, it can exemplify her new powers. For Dawn we make a glass orb with a silver core suspended in it. Throughout the glass are tendrils of shadow that nearly obscure the centre but if you look closely you can always find it, no matter the angle.   Lastly, we produce another glass flame carving. Unlike the one we made for Lurick this one has a light source in the centre that illuminates the flames. The curves of the flame are so complex and intricate that no matter how I shine light at it, I cannot eliminate all the shadows of its soft angles and carvings.   It is a realization of a growing conviction that these human gods are not going to be our enemies. The Candlemaker’s flames cast shadows as well as light so long as we can cooperate. Now that we have Hamman’s letters, can reliably call on Shelor’s account of the situation, and have a friend who really does travel that far...it’s time to make overtures to the proper Church of the Candlemaker. In the coming days I’ll be drafting a letter to send with Rabiya along with this gift. If anyone knows how to get something to Haven, it’ll be Rabiya.   Bran didn’t want us to hide and he’s right. Sneaking around and relying on individual humans’ feelings of goodwill or interpretation of their dogma isn’t sustainable. I’m tired of convincing them one at a time. Let’s start at the top.   Caught up in these thoughts I nearly miss Bran’s slight hesitation as we work. When we take a breather I nudge him for it. What’s wrong?   He’s been thinking about this forge and whether this is the last time he’ll really work here. It hasn’t felt like home for a long time - has it become a place he’ll only ever visit? What happens if he comes back in a hundred years and everyone he knew is gone? Would it still be important? Would it still be his shop? Tira talked with him about saying goodbye so that you can say hello but it still weighs on him.   This is the cost of becoming an honourary elf, I suppose. Magdalena would call it the price of knowing what he knows and doing what he does now. Still worth it, but troublesome nonetheless.   I’m reminded of what Magdalena told us about trolls and I share it again - places are important. They’re important even if they’re in the past, if you only ever visit, if it’s not home anymore. He leans heavily on me and I try my hardest to support him. He’s so big but sometimes he feels small   We head back to the inn and pass through the town square which has been transformed with decorations and tables. The inn is packed with people eating and drinking and making merry before the Festival day but I catch Del looking at me disapprovingly as we sit down. It’s only a matter of time before he comes over and asks for a word.   Apparently this morning Ellen went to wake Hella and saw her missing eye without the illusion magic. Hella insisted that she’s fine and that they wouldn’t understand at all. Poor Del...this was not a good way to find out any of this and really, he still doesn’t know what’s going on. He asks quite directly if she’s been hurt and seems to believe me when I tell him she’s fine and she chose it herself.   He asks if I was going to tell them but it’s not my story to share. For just a moment he looks so sad, so terribly sad at the thought that his daughter feels there’s something she can’t share for fear of their reaction.   “Make sure she knows that no matter what, we’ll still love her,” he tells me when I assure him that I’ll speak to her about telling them the story. He’s a good man.   When I walk back into the common room with him, Hella looks instantly guilty and follows me upstairs to talk. Kadia joins us for the first time in a while to say that she told Hella she had to tell her parents and that it would be fine. Poor Hella sighs and tells us that she just wanted to be the same old Hella for a little longer - through the Festival. She’s been playing with the kids and it all feels so normal but now they all seem a little bit silly to her...the things they believe and say...when they’re older they’ll understand better. She sounds like how I felt at the Academy surrounded by kids learning from books and lessons who had never been in a fight or made camp silently so as not to attract attention in the night. One day they might understand but right now they don’t.   Still - her parents can be brought to understanding. We agree that I’ll tell them a bit of the history of the War and then Hella will tell the story of meeting Kadia. We’ll be there with her.   So I return Hella to waiting tables and offer to help as well. Instead, Ellen asks me to cook with her! As I show her how to make an Elvish dessert I comment on her active magic and hearth witchery. The way she handles her measurements and ingredients is as precise as any wizard I know. She shrugs it off a little but seems convinced when I use the term ‘hearth witch’ and tell her about small Elvish magics.   Then, conversation drifts back to Hella. She says she talked to Alder about light and shadow and tried to better understand the Elvish attitude towards it. I help as well - humans are afraid of things lurking in the dark. For elves, it’s our home. We’re the things in the dark, and we’re not afraid of the things that live there with us. I hope that humans can grow to be less afraid knowing that elves are there.   And I tell her some things that I think will help her understand Hella and Kadia. The Empire is composed of different races but one people and we have a practiced history of helping those who are not like us. That is what Hella has learned alongside us. She’s afraid that her parents won’t understand her impulse to help someone who isn’t ‘like them’. As I articulate this fear I can see how misplaced it is.   Ellen is afraid more for Hella’s gentle heart to be taken advantage of, and I reassure her that part of the lessons of responsibility and duty are to yourself as well as those who need help. She overheard Hella talking to herself about how afraid she was that her parents would tell her to stay in the village instead of travelling with me. It sounded like she would do it, if she were asked, even if it broke her heart. As we grow stronger it is only the bonds of love that keep us on the right path. Those bonds go both ways, and I know that her parents wouldn’t ask that of her.   Our cooking ends in hugs. She asks me to help her make a sign in Elvish for the inn (The Old Oak Tree) which I expect we can translate as “Be welcome in the shade of The Old Oak Tree”/   “I wish more elves visited,” she tells me.